99 Problems

Published on March 9th, 2017 | by Megan Stolz


Ode to My ACA-Covered Breast Pump (Thanks, Obama)

I’ve hung a “do not disturb” sign on the door with a cartoon cow. At least I haven’t lost my sense of humor. I will hear the rhythmic whir again in two hours, and again in two hours, and again in two hours because I gotta meet my quota, because my duct likes to plug, because my boobs need a constant food order, and will you relax already? Watch a video of your kid. Read some parenting articles, but not the ones about SIDS or choking. Massage your breasts, meditate, I am a milk goddess who has shit to do, damn it, and a kid who smells like daycare at the end of the day when we snuggle on the couch and an hour later, he’ll be in bed. And tomorrow, I’ll send him off with labeled bottles and have grown-up conversations with my coworkers at lunch, and then excuse myself back to my milk closet and wonder exactly when I’m going to have it all.

Feature image by Aaron Anderer on flickr / Creative Commons License 2.0

Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

About the Author

Megan Stolz’s work has recently appeared in The Fourth River, Noble/Gas Qtrly, and the Journal of Court Reporting (under Megan Rogers). A California native, she has an MFA from the University of Baltimore. She works in nonprofit communications in Washington DC where she lives with her husband, son, and furbaby. She tweets semi-regularly @megan_stolz.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

We love comments, feedback and critique but mean or snarky comments will not be published. MUTHA moderates ALL comments, and we're a volunteer org, and that means they can be slow to post--please do not try and repost a comment unless it's been more than several days, we will get to it.

Back to Top ↑