Published on August 16th, 2013 | by Michelle Tea



Model Lily Donaldson wasn’t really pregnant when she posed in this editorial for French Vogue. Styled by former Editor Carine Roitfeld, mainlining milk is one of the more benign behaviors the mom-models enact (I’m saving the photo of preggers Lily smoking while waving a baby around in a basket for a ‘Bad Moms’ collection). Roitfeld’s post-Vogue publication, CR Fashion Book, dedicated its whole first issue to a more romantic notion of motherhood, in honor of her daughter’s recent pregnancy. Look how she styled some Dolce + Gabbana:


It’s so pissed Persephone / pregnant Demeter, I love it. And speaking of Carine’s grandbaby machine, here is Julia Restoin Roitfeld pregs on the cover of I-D Magazine:

The teddy bear is an especially creepy detail. Or maybe I’m just traumatized by all the pregnant-lady porno I had to scroll through to find these pictures. No….it’s just creepy. Here, a more tasteful pregnancy pic of Mrs. Restoin-Roitfeld:

Julia’s blog, Romy and the Bunnies, is a gateway to how the other half mothers: pilates and cleanses and grotesquely adorable outfits and pictures of models kissing their model-grade children and also oldies of Jane Birkin toweling off young Charlotte poolside. It’s like the world of Tiffany Beveridge’s Quinoa, but for real.


I love this oil painting of preggers Sienna Miller by Jonathan Yeo. It totally looks like Sienna is stuck  in the Matrix, or is a sort of  naked digital ghost about to pixelate away.

Alice Neel’s 1978 painting Margaret Evans Pregnant. Why are we looking at pictures of pregnant people, BTW? ‘Cause I am earnestly trying to get knocked up and I’m super curious about what alien shape my body is take once my beloved parasite hooks in and starts pumping and shoving my internal organs around. I have a terrible, slavering love for pictures of ladies like Julia R-R looking all perfect and pregs, but I love seeing images that look more real, too. Like this one.

And this one. Thanks, Uma. Or rather, thanks paparazzi. Way to inadvertently lend your evil stalking powers to the feminist cause.

Look, it’s model Lara Stone waiting out her bed rest on a slab of red meat. This painting by Marc Quinn was unveiled at the Venice Biennale this year, and this is where we shall end. Because what exactly could follow that. – Michelle Tea

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About the Author

Michelle Tea, Founder of Mutha Magazine, is the author of a novel, four memoirs, including How to Grow Up, a collection of poetry and a Young Adult Fantasy trilogy beginning with A Mermaid in Chelsea Creek, published by McSweeney’s. She is founder of RADAR Productions, a literary non-profit that runs the international Sister Spit performance tours, among other things.

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