This Will Make You Uncomfortable - Mutha Magazine

Comics

Published on January 31st, 2020 | by Sacha Mardou

7

This Will Make You Uncomfortable

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About the Author

Sacha Mardou

Mardou was born and raised in Manchester, England  and now makes a home in St Louis, MO with her husband and their 10.5 year old daughter. She is the author of the graphic novel series ‘Sky in Stereo’, a trippy ‘coming of age’ story dealing with teenage mental breakdown. You can follow her weekly therapy comics on Instagram @msmardou and Facebook @sachamardou



7 Responses to This Will Make You Uncomfortable

  1. Avatar Jerald Kreppel says:

    I disagree. While asserting yourself is important, providing company for someone who is lonely is more admirable. Putting up with boredom for a little while is a small price to pay for making someone who is sad or lonely feel better. Concern for others is important.

    • Avatar Sonia Myre says:

      Hi Jerald. While I see your point, it’s problematic when it is a pattern. Always setting our desires and preferences aside to make others feel comfortable is something many of us do, often to our own detriment. I did not read this comic to be promoting selfishness; if anything it is pointing towards balance.

    • Avatar Concerned says:

      Jerald,

      I’m going to go ahead and assume that you’re male, based on your name. While I understand and admire the reasoning behind your critique, it’s also particularly important that we help teach young women that it’s okay to say “no” to things, even if that means not “making someone feel better”.

      We heavily socialize girls to be “nice” and to treat the thoughts, feelings, and desires of others with greater concern than they do their own. This isn’t always necessarily a bad thing, and we but (as this wonderful artist illustrated in the comic!) this is a particularly important skill for girls and young women to practice.

      We live in a culture that encourages young women to suppress feelings of discomfort or disinterest in our interactions with men (we’ve all heard comments like “Sure, he might be a random man on the train who’s approaching you on your morning commute, but you could at least smile and chat for a few minutes! Would it kill you to be nice?” or “Maybe you don’t find him attractive, but he asked you out – just go on a date with him and see how it goes. He’s such a nice guy!”). This can lead to situations where women find themselves passively agreeing to or going along with, say, a kiss/date/sexual encounter/etc. that they would actually rather not participate in.

      In a vacuum, it’s easy to hand-wave the effects of each of these little interactions (“a small price to pay”). However, when you’re a woman, you spend your entire life being told things like this. The end result is a culture that devalues a girl’s right to say no, one in which women find themselves boxed-in by the weight of having to prioritize everyone else’s expectations, needs, desires, etc. every day of our lives.

  2. Avatar MyLisa says:

    Great article. I can relate.

  3. Avatar Laura Chernaik says:

    How about a balance of kindness and empathy as well as “doing what you want to do”? That’s what life is about. Sometimes doing nice things for others (though not fitting your momentary desires) and sometimes satisfying your own immediate needs.

  4. This is so me. I’m learning to say no late in life. I also make my daughter practice scenarios with me. She has issues speaking up for herself. I keep telling her that I will not let her be like me and that it’s important to use your voice.

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